Johnny Depp and Amber Heard To Have a Baby?

Walking, hand-holding, new item Johnny Depp and Amber Heard are making a mad rush through all the touchstones of a more traditional celebrity romance.
From kissing in The Rum Diary, to Amber being a lesbian, to Johnny taking her to a Rolling Stones concert, to Amber not being a lesbian, to both of them brainstorming wedding themes, there are more jump cuts in their relationship than a Quentin Tarantino movie. It’s exciting and electric and everything, but hard to keep up with without a director’s commentary.

Luckily OK! magazine has a source behind the scenes to spell it all out for us. “Things are very serious between these two,” the source said. “He’s told her that he wants to get married, which is obviously a shock to anyone who knows Johnny. Now Amber has upped the ante and decided that she wants to have Johnny’s baby!”
Whoa, whoa, whoa, someone barricade the entrance to Babies R Us until we figure out just what the hell is going on.

What the hell is going on is a connection that can only be found in a Buffalo Exchange: their mutual adoration of all things vintage.
“Johnny’s always raving about how low-maintenance and down-to-earth Amber is,” a close pal added to OK! “He loves that she shops at flea markets and thrift stores. She’s a real bohemian at heart, just like him.”
And that’s why they want to start a family together, right away. It was love at first pewter letter opener; baby at first antique musket from the American Civil War.
Johnny has also reportedly designated a beach on his private Bahamian island and named it after Amber. There’s even a bar built there that’s an exact replica of the one used in The Rum Diary, but humans not named Amber with non-Amber eyes will ever have the luxury of seeing it…
…and now everything above this paragraph begins to make perfect sense. These two aren’t sprinting to have a baby because they’re head over heels for each other. They’re head over dDRuuuUUuuuuuUUnk hanging out at that seashore bar all the damn day long getting plastered on mojitos and building castles in the sand shaped like cribs and strollers.

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