When 51-year-old Doug Hutchison married 16-year-old Courtney Stodden
turning them into inexplicable Internet stars, it was without question
the crown jewel of American exceptionalism. Legend has it George
Washington himself rose from the grave and announced this to be the very
reason he joined forces with Jesus to win the Revolutionary War with
nothing but an AR-15 and old-fashioned racism. But now, Radar Online
reports their marriage has been cast asunder as Courtney leaves Doug
to strike out in pursuit of fame without the weight of old man
testicles dragging her down. It pains me to even break the news to you
for theirs was the love that was supposed to guide the wings of our own.
So, now, let us look back at this magical journey of the heart and
hopefully understand how two people, bound together by sacred oath, find
themselves navigating uncharted waters in a canoe of loneliness. Or on
crazy buoyant breasts. Whatever.
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