+18 Miranda Kerr Is Single

We’re still two months away from the Baby Jesus’ birthday, and yet he’s already bestowed a gift upon us by breaking up Miranda Kerr and Legolas even though we kind of murdered his ass then went, “Haha, remember all that stuff he said about poor people? Fuck that.” E! News reports:

A rep for Bloom exclusively confirms the breakup. “In a joint statement, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr have announced that they have been amicably separated for the past few months,” the rep said in a statement. “After six years together, they have recently decided to formalize their separation.”
The statement continued, “Despite this being the end of their marriage, they love, support and respect each other as both parents of their son and as family.”

Of course, I’m sure this has nothing to do with Miranda flirting with Gerard Butler back in May because you know what husbands love? The sweet smell of chemical toilet and Scottish broque on their wives. Which, for the record, would not stop me from having sex with Miranda Kerr, and so right now, in this moment, sitting here as a man typing to a woman, I want her to live in that truth. Unlike Orlando Bloom, there is a man out there who will make love to you no matter how many times you cheat on him or have some sort of weird fungus from the highlands. Help me help you make me your doormat.