Kim Kardashian’s Ass Is Back

After North West was born, Kim Kardashian went into hiding for three months where it was just assumed she was getting liposuction which turned out to be wrong. But thanks to the whore-rich fields of Instagram, I can now safely say she spent that entire time getting her ass resculpted by a crack team – *reaches for razor blades* – of architects and civil engineers. Not unlike the Freedom Tower because, yes, I’m equating pregnancy with terrorism. Someone has to in this world that’s turned its back on God. FREEMASONS!
(Is that not what we’re doing now when we’re completely sick of something? I can’t keep track of these fads.)