Dina Lohan Finally Got A DUI

After finally getting around to letting Seaside Heights feel His wrath for Jersey Shore, God also took the time last night to make sure Dina Lohan was yanked off the road which He admits went on way too long. “Honestly, I thought a tree would’ve stepped in here by now, but they’ve always been lazy, barked bastards, so chop down as many as you like. Fuck ‘em.” TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan’s 50-year-old mother was pulled over on the Northern State Parkway by New York State Police around 11 pm Thursday night … after she was allegedly going 77mph in a 55 in her white BMW.
During the stop, cops say she appeared intoxicated — and tested her blood alcohol level, which registered at .20 — more than twice the legal limit of .08.
According to officials, “Lohan made an allegation that she was injured during the course of the arrest” … but when medical personnel responded to the scene and determined she was fine, Dina “recanted her claim.”
Lohan was hauled to a nearby station where she was booked on two counts of driving while intoxicated and one count of speeding.

Why do I get the feeling this was Dina’s injury?
“Alright, ma’am, hand over the McDonald’s cup.” *sniffs* “Christ, what is that? Gin?” *empties out on road*
“Nooo! Police brutality! POLICE BRUTALITY!”

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